Oh yesh~ gonna have scuba diving soon!!! but dunch noe when. Keke, bear bear just told me abt it, upon seeing my msn nick. *tsk* *tsk* n this sat (3rd Jul) is the swimming test date. keke. Ok ok, but i dunch have a swimsuit. haha, gonna search for my sis's if nt then got to wear my bikini le. Yupz, but it will definitely affect my movements one. Scuba diving: bear bear sat will cost abt 375 bucks, then lenz said it will be at Pulau riau ... er somewhere in m'sia, yupz it includes accomdation. *hur* *hur* gonna see the sun, feel the sea, play with the fish, n hunks??? Haha, hope there is. But well, i just wanna enjoy myself, n get my tanned. & this trip will be on the 24th July. *keke* i can't wait!!! i'm so excited now!!! Anyway, i went to the gym today, did some sit up, running, n dunch noe wat the rest of the machines call. Yupz, didn't spot any hunks yet, haha, but it was really crowded. N now, i gonna sleep n prepare for trm. Woah la! Good nites n sweet dreams.
yourstruly crapped @ Monday, June 28, 2004
Slack at home the whole day!!! Do nothing but surf, watch tv n sleep. Yupz, just dunch feel like going out. Chatted with eunice (NRA, my dear anne, n ah lingz this afternoon. Hmmm, was so glad chatted with eun. Thot she will nt tok to me becas of the conflict in NRA. Yupz, but she did not. We chatted for quite a few hrs. Hmmm, didn't noe she act, noes so much abt wat happen to me this sem. Well~ this sem is ending, just hope for a fresh start n everything will runs smoother for the next sem. Then after toking to Ling, sigh~ feel sad for her, cas she is having another tiff with her bf. GUYs just dunch understand. Can't they just bear with us GALs during those days in the mth??? Is as if we want to behave this way!! The pain is already killing us, instead of comforting us, they still tok so much, which irritates us even more. Well~ hey guys, if only u are in our shoe, then u will noe how's the pain like? Go ask ard, got which gal like these days in the mth. Our lower part is dripping blood, then movement is constraint becas of the extra thing on our panty!!! Then, the lower muscle contract n expand. Our abdominal muscle just cramp like mad, driving us crazy. All we want is a slight wispher in our ear, telling us we will be fine n u will be there for us, at the same time help us to relax n distract us from the pain, rub the area having pain. Oh yah~ a massage on our back will be good~ yeah... coz' normally we will be backache during these days of the mth. Yupz, it's 27th of the mth again. Broke up for 3mths le. 27th March 2004 is the final break up. 1st break up was on 22nd Jun 2003, then patched on the 29th Jun 2003. Cont'd celebrating our mthly anniversary on the 19th. Sigh~ for the past 5 mths, i've been crying. Now, my tears are drained. Perhaps, i'm too tired of this, n really wan to get myself our of this mud pool. OR am i crying in my heart? Which ever ways, i know i will be STRONG. yupz, eu ask me, do i hate him? Well~ i ask myself this before, do i? Seriously, i tot i will hate him or even her, but i think my love for him is just too strong for the hatred to take over. And as for her, i can't be bothered. She is nobody, as to compare to him. Yupz
yourstruly crapped @ Sunday, June 27, 2004
Vibes today. Went to watch, but missed it. Reach Tampines interchange @ ard 8pm, then call dar, he said jolene's grp dancing then. THen becas of the backgrd noise, i cannot hear him properly n board the wrong bus which lead me to changi!!! Anyway, perhaps GOD had plan it this way. He doesn't want me to get hurt again. Maybe, i tot i'm strong enuff to face the fact n see them holding hands n so on, but GOD noes me best. So perhaps, this is wat he had planned for me. He knew that i will definitly break down n cannot take the act. fact when seeing them holding hands, so he trick me all the way to TM n then board the wrong bus n so on. THen on the way home with yun jo n vic, met dar, dear, jean, delin, jolene, fatty jon, sharlene, n ken. But then i didn see the other grp, perhaps they had gone home. Again, it must be GOD's plan, to make this to happen so that i won't get to see him. Yupz, Sales sucks today. YuJin increased my mth's end target from 252K to 352K!!! WTF... 3 days how to hit this amt??? N today i only manage to bring in 2.8K... i'm like still far from my target. I need another 70K more to go. Sigh~
yourstruly crapped @ Saturday, June 26, 2004
I cant get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just cant seem to find a way to leave the love behind
I ain't trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
You kept me hanging on a string
Why you make me cry
I tried to give u everything
But you just give lies
I ain't trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you
Now love's a broken record
That's been skippin' in my head
I keep singing Yesterday
Why we got to play these games we play?
I aint trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinkin of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
I don't know what to do
I'm stuck on you
yourstruly crapped @ Friday, June 25, 2004
Lucky??? Haha~ yesterday at 1st no sales, then suddenly the professor called back n wanted to do a BT with me, n that's where my 30k is from. TOday dunch noe why~ received a BT from my customer who is like 2 weeks ago. Haha n add a 8k to me. But then, this customer is no longer under my leads, so sigh~ not my sales anymore. Anyway, i'm still thinking of to go or not to go on sunday to watch their competitions. Sigh~ i so wanted to but again come to think of it, though i really miss dance n so on, but like wat stacia said, even if i miss dance so much n so wanted to watch them dance, will the sight of him n her affect my feelings n mood anot? Yupz, will it? Most probably yes rite? I can't deny my feelings, neither can i ignore the fact!!! So i guess, probaly i just to forgo watching n wait till i am more stable down!!! But i really DANCE n i really hope i can go back n DANCE!!! but sigh~ perhaps maybe gonna take up some outside class, but come to think of it, can my body take it??? My health has been weak all the time, n not sure if my illness still there anot? Wait till october go back to my doctor for the follow up. Sigh~ perhaps then, got to go for another blood test. Arghhhh BLOOD!!! Shldn't had bought the pills that time when i'm not taking them now, wasted my hundred bucks on all these pills!!! hmph! anyway, just pray that tmr will be a better day with better sales. Yupz below is my pic with bear bear, N my face is so arghhh pinkish! anyway it's a bad day (bpc presentation - april) had a tiff with him. Yupz. But i think this pic not bad lar hor?
yourstruly crapped @ Thursday, June 24, 2004
Today? Normal lor. Yupz, sales not bad. Manage to get 35K, however receive very bad. Only got 2 received. Yupz, supposely got 3 one. Then one the leads turn out not to be mine!!! sianZ.. then become the team leader's. Luckily it's only a 1.5K. Not my 30K!!! Haha, anyway ate alot today. Morning - 2 dumplings, Afternoon - curry rice, Nite - xx don. Haha forget the name le. Yupz so now very full! Gonna grow another 2 iches man, No No i'm not gonna let this happen. I will work hard in gym. *tsk tsk* So funnie, today this cust, called back n decided to take up bal. trsf with me. Somemore flirt with me on the phone. Woahaha~ Say i sound very young on the phone, ask me where i stay, wanna meet me n so on. Haha~ well anyway he will doing BT with me tmr. So who cares, flirt then flirt lor. Haha~ Yup 22nd jun today, the 1st yr anniversary for to break up with me during our 1st mth. Reason for breaking up, nobodys noe better than he does. Yupz, n make me cry so much on that day, in the end tell me that he act. still love me n all the shit. N today he tell me he dunch love me anymore. Wat's wrong with all these guys. Can't they be more decisive in wat they want!!! Very fun izzit, playing with gal's feelings!!!
yourstruly crapped @ Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Sigh~ gonna sigh~ again . Sales was so damn bad today. Sigh~ Rejection rate was god damn high. Sigh~ When will i be able to reach the standards like the old bird??? Sigh~ Life izn't the same after the break up with him. Sigh~ Life is nv as perfect as i thought. Sigh~ Am i too depending on him? Sigh~ After reading my dear anne's blog n jolene's blog, i felt so out casted. Sigh~ why am i feeling this way? Sigh~ Just felt that someone has replaced me in so many ways. Sigh~ n that's the fact she did. She had already replaced me in his heart. THERE'S NO MORE ME IN HIS HEART! Sigh~ shld i hate her? I dunch noe. Sigh~ They got Steamboat gathering session at alex place on last sunday or is it sat? Also nv ask me along. Sigh~ Perhaps i'm nobody to them le ba. Sigh~ Is it really my fault? I also dun wan this to happen. I mean i also hope that i can remain friends. But how to? Tell me How? If u are in my shoes!!! Perhaps many of u may disagree with me. But the love is too strong for me to let go of him. The words, the phrase he used to say just runs in my head. There's so many so many phrases i will nv forget!!! phrases like "u gave me the key (to ur heart) le, can i dun give u back?" "who loves u the most? Jon Jon" "dear i very stress ... i miss u ... can i meet u tonite" "dear u are getting more n more beautiful" "baobei good nite" (then help me cover with blanket n hug me close to his heart)... There's so many so many of them i can't bear to just forget!!! i really miss him alot!!! sigh~
~ wo ku le ~
yourstruly crapped @ Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Nothing happening today~ whole day stay @ home n do house chores. Pack my room, sweep the floor iron the clothes etc. Then took a nap. Yupz, design my dear roanne's blog. N woah la, only took abt 2 hrs this time. Haha, quite satisfy with it. Hmmm, 19th June, sigh~ i hate or shld i say i like 19th of every mth??? i dunch noe. I cried again. Lying on the bed, thinking of him. Somehow, images just flow in. "I can see him. Standing beside my bed, in his blue shirt n black pants. Rush down after his attachment. Came all the way to place to visit me. I was sick that day, on the 19th Nov 03. I was send to the hospital due to my serious menses cramp. He was standing there looking at me. I awoke saw him, n hug him tight. Yes! the 1st person i wanted to see so much is him. He's the comfort of everything. My medicine, my yao..." Tears just flow till i fell deep into my sleep. Is is wat we call love sick? Am i gonna go thru' all these every mth? Sigh~ Why is everyone introducing me bf? Sigh~ though i'm single now n lonely. But doesn't mean they can replace him. I dun wan a replacement. It won't help, and i dont wan to hurt another person. Sigh~
yourstruly crapped @ Sunday, June 20, 2004
It's just nt a day for me!!! At the start of the day, the bus came late, n best it came 133A n so i got to wait for another 15mins for 133. Finally bus came, then heavy trasffic, so was late for work for abt 15mins. Then in the best, this guy rub his penis against my hand. THen when i try to keep my hand away, he came nearer and try to rub against my hip. WTF!!! Nvm, then this two china guy keep toking abt me, tot i dunno izzit. So wat if u have chinese slang? Hey, i do understand chinese k! THen, sales sucks!!! So sucks k. I only manage to have 2 receive of 9.4K in total when today everyone is hitting abt 30k n above. Sigh~ nvm then receive calls from admin, saying 4 received had been rejected by CBC (Credit bureau checks) n so there gone my commission. Yupz. Then go town with stacia n the rest, then got trip twice when alighting the bus, bus luckily i manage to bal. myself. K then when going home, i waited for the bus for mosre than 30mins. SIgh~ On the way home, i really feel like crying!!! How i wish, he is there for me - a shoulder for me to lean on, support me n say "bao bei dun worrie... dun forget who loves u??? J*n J*n loves u" Sigh~ this is wat he used to tell me. Hmmm ... but all these are just empty hopes... ArghHH~ why am i feeling this way again. God tells me - why must i go thru all these? Is it wrong to love someone so much n yet have to suffer becas u love him so much??? Arghh, life is just so unfair! Why can't pple just treasure wat they have instead of takin them for granted. Sigh~ it's the 19th of the mth again. THe 3rd 19th which i gonna spent alone. 3.06am is only a few hours away, n here i'm blogging. Hmmm ... my life just sux!
yourstruly crapped @ Saturday, June 19, 2004
Wat a day??? I'm so goD-daMn shAg n tirEd. I wan to SLeeP!!! I nEEd my bEautY slEeP!!! I wAnT a ShoUlDer i LeaN on!!! GonNA burst any moMent, i GuesS! Arghh~ i'm goD daMn sTreSs! WTH! toDay 7 recieve with 21k. I neEd another 20K tmr to hit my tier this week!!! How m i going to find this 20K???? Argh~ n tmr got no amt coming in, so just to pray hard that tmr sales calls will be good.! Sigh~ yesterday he act. msg me thru' msn telling me that he didn't change his no. n ask me nt to get misunderstood. did he really read my blog??? Well~ so wat if he does n doesn't. Somehow, i dunch feel so bother by it. At 1st i really hope he will read it n understands how impt he is to me. But now, i just have this mix feelings. Sigh~ perhaps if he is single now the feelings for him will be stronger. Bur since now he is attached, so i just got to force myself to forget abt this guy. Sigh~ is he really that bad like wat others say??? this ques still remains. Becas, he isn't wat others had said from wat i noe of him. Pehaps he really did is a jerk in the past, n changed when i was with him. But now, i not so sure, maybe it's the cause of my bad experience i have been experiencing. Sigh~ LoVe LoVe LoVe~
yourstruly crapped @ Friday, June 18, 2004
Sigh~ suppose to be a happy day today. But somehow, i can't end this day with a smile. Just heard from teddy bear that Jon changed his mobile no. sigh~ he actually his no. n nv tell me, perhaps he didn't even save my no into his phone. Yupz looks like jon didn't really leave a very good impressions in alot pple eyes. Sigh~ perhaps it's really like wat he himself said, people from Biz B mod all noe him n doesn't really have good impression of him. Now i think i noe why le. Hmph, maybe it's really like wat teddy say ba, somepple just won't change.Yupz! K enuff of the sad thingy. Anyway, today me n him wore the same color. Wahaha, actually not really the same lar. He wore maroon while me wearing white tube with some marron flowers print. So end up abt the same color, well~ at least from the same color family rite? Yupz. Hee, and today sales nt bad, but still defilcit. I need 30k more!!! Where to find? Tmr thursday le. Sigh~ doubt i can hit the quota for this week. No commission le. Hmph! Buck Up Buck Up! I need $. But the next pay will have to wait till 7th July. Then i have to wait for check to bank in - that means i will only get my pay earliest by 10th July!!!! wtf! sigh~ vibes is next week @6pm .. but cannot go. Me work till 7pm. Perhaps after work meet them lor. Sigh~ n maybe won't get to see them together ba. Let the date get closer then say ba. Now still not prepare to see them together. One my ex another my 'close" junior? sigh~ life is so unpredictable
yourstruly crapped @ Thursday, June 17, 2004
WellWEllWelll... today i'm not feeling that moody liaoz. Yups! He wore blue to day just like me. Yesh! Hmm today got OT. We went ICHIBAN to makan. It's so yummy n tasty. SO so so nice. Wahaha! N this stupid lenz keep calling me "da wei wang" (big eater). Anyway, i'm really hungry wat. Haha, but still got to control my diet. Now no more dance le, i have to keep myself fit n slim by discipline myself more. Yupz, that's all for today.
yourstruly crapped @ Wednesday, June 16, 2004
A moody day for me ... sigh~ my mind is blank n nt thinking of anything else but my bed. Good nite n sweet dreams ...
yourstruly crapped @ Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Yupz! finally got my tanned, but the color is not even. Somehow i just can't get my front body to be tanned, especially on my chest. Wahaha perhaps becas of the two mountain blocking the sun rays from shining on the valley .. haha .. *opps*. Anyway i do enjoy myself today. Manage to catch up some time with aileng n qiyun. We haven't been catching up each other, so kept toking about our life for the whole day. N got to say sorrie to aileng. I didn't mean for the ball to hit ur head. I've already try my best to save the ball le. Dui bu qi. Sigh~ i really miss those days in secondary sch. I miss u gals so much. PLMGS RULEZ! 4E 2000 COMQUER! Yupz. N wore my newly bought zara bikni today, feel so great in it. Haha just being BHB. Anway, it is really a relaxing day for me. Sit down n tok. Oh yeah~ that's the way to enjoy life man. Mon-Fri work. Fri-sat play. Hmmm i'm enjoying my life now. Hey hey, i dun like fulin lar, what makes u guys think i like him? diaoz. He is really nt my cup of tea. Though i admit he is nt bad looking (perhaps the best of the all lar *opps* wahaha), he drives n so on. But still a No-No. Hmm, to be frank i also dunno wat kind of guy i'm looking for. Like i say before i'm still unsure of my feelings now. Perhaps yun is rite, i'm learning n trying hard to let go. Yupz, i'm trying hard to keep myself as bz as possible to avoid from thinking so much. RIte? Yeah .. that's the way gal! Carry On~ wahaha! Yupz got to sleep now, gonna be pretty pretty, will be seeing him tmr. Haha wonder wat color is he wearing tmr? Well last week (can't remember which day), act. wore the same color - grey. Tmr will be a better day!!! Money Money Hom!
yourstruly crapped @ Monday, June 14, 2004
Okie! I'm back from my shopping trip. Well~ just bought one Zara pants n bikini sets. Hmph! just receive a bill from reader digest! sickening have to pay them 70bucks becas of the misleading letter which tricks me into sighing up for reader digest account! Anyway, today went out with kat n her cousin. Yupz, just feeling normal today. HurrAy! tor gonna get a tann.. haha .. Sunset bay Here i come!!! OKie shall say good nite n nt good bye gonna sleep n kisses n hugs
yourstruly crapped @ Sunday, June 13, 2004
Another week of work, sigh~ wonder how long i can stay for this job? Pehaps it's really nt my cup of tea. I need to run abt!!! I'm not someone who can sit still whole day infront of com and calling cust!!! But again, it's the money factor which attracts me, $1500 basic + weekly commission + monthly commission. This week alone i will be getting about $150 bucks commission. Hmmm and the top sales person of my team will be getting 800bucks of commission just this week alone!?! (when is my turn?) Another gal best, she will be bring home 1500 bucks for this week. Yupz, after work went wine bar with kat to meet her friends. This is my 1st time to wine bar. Well, true enuff the crowd there is sociable n mature. Wahaha but still not really my type, as in i'm more attracted to the younger crowd. Then we played 5 10 15. Haha, there's two ang moh join us with the game and one of them drank so much, ALL becos of me! Aren't cheeky??! hee~ yupz after wine bar we went SOS to meet her friends. SOS is cool~~ the music was great! But sad to say the crowd was so pathetic! Less than 20 pple?? Oh yeah! I'm good drinker?? Wahaha, i actually drank 9 1/2 cups of alcoholic drinks last nite!!! ( 2 cups voka lime, 4 cups ribena voka, 3 cups voka orange, 1/2 cup coke gin) That was alot. For those who noe me, knows that i can't drink much ... perhaps one cup of voka lime can make me drank iiao. Also dunch noe why i drank so much last nite. sigh~ after sos we went for supper. While my friend was eating. I just lie down on the table n felt asleep. Sigh~ think that's when the alcoho take effect. I start to think about him again. I feel so much to cry in the cab. But didn't! i have to control, i cannot cry! I dun wan to make kat to think of hers. Sigh~ She was drank too. Perhaps both of us were thinking of the same thing in the cab. Hopping our HIM will be there to hug us and bring us comfort to smooth the giddiness like wat he used to do. Remembering those time, he putting warm wet cloth on my forehead during my bdae celebration when i got drank. But this time is worst!!! After got out of the cab, immediately i vomitted out. Sigh~ n while now i'm bloggin i think i feel ... it's "hang over" time. wahaha ... giddy now ... feel like vomitting again ... but i haven't eat anything. Argghhhh~ perhaps another he who i crushing on will nv replaced him. He is just a subsitute crush. That's it!
yourstruly crapped @
Hmm shall i say i happy today? Well, okie at least i shall say i'm glad to end this day with a smile. Why? Hee manage to tok to him online, n manage to noe him more. Yupz. Basically, today is nt my day. My cust vent his anger on me, when it was his own carelessness still blame me, say i blur. Hey! sir just to let u noe this phone is recorded kaez, dunch insist wat u think u can do k. I say it's bank policy means bank policy. You complain so much i also cannot help u. This is the rule being set, wat u expect me to do! Lucky u help me do a transfer, if not i gonna curse u manz! N today, i got no sales. Just pray for a better tmr, and more sales come in. I wan my incentives! Sigh~ friday is the last day for two of my collegues le. Sigh~ this is only my 2nd wk n they are leaving. Wan jin also leaving le. Sianz. Everyone is quitting!?!
yourstruly crapped @ Friday, June 11, 2004
Sigh~ today is a cloudy day. I dunno why, but i just feel so moody. Sigh~ i'm feeling guilty n bad. Somehow i feel that i'm cheating on cust by asking them to do the balance trsf. Sigh~ So wat if i hit the target n get commission? I just feel uneasy! immoral! I just feel that i'm a cheated! Hmmm perhaps i'm feeling this way becas of PMS ba. Sigh~ if this feelings cont'd to indulge, perhaps i just got to quit this job and get work in some other line. Hmmm~ well is my feelings stronger? HaHa~ i dunch noe. My heart is still nt racing as fast yet. Perhaps i'm really looking for a subsitute or maybe just too desperate. I'm just dunch get use to single life? OR i am just too dependent? Well, i really hope one day i will be able to step out of this ocean n get my feet on the ground. I am tired! I wan some relaxation. I wan to enjoy life. Sigh~ i wan to get MARRIED n start my memory. hahaha. i'm just thinking too much.
yourstruly crapped @ Thursday, June 10, 2004
2nd week 2nd day of work, well~ sales still okie, but doubt i can do any better from the start of tmr. File R is expired! Sigh! Basically, today we went for a steamboat buffet @ suntec convention center. N again it's a company treat. Wahaha! Envy? Well~ dunch okie, it really pays off alot of hard work for that. Hmmm, sigh~ so many of my friends will be resigning soon. Kinda make me wanna resign too. Steam boat is fabulous! Yummy~ eat until so full. Then this stupid Lens keep saying i "small size". Still say i "small size" but can eat alot. Pple really hungry mah. Hee! But ahem! gonna work out alot this week. BBQ on Sat, then steamboat today. Wonder wat's next. Wahaha! Okie this week i'm feeling better le. So, i just got to hope that i will be able to remain this way, n =). Dunch ponder, dunch cry. He does not love u now, so i shall move on with my life. IF you can't even love urself then how u expect others to love u. RIght? So i gonna love myself even more, pampaer myself more. Hee! Okia gonna become couch potato soon, if i cont'd eating like these. So this sunday gonna play tennis n go gym with kat. Yuppie.
yourstruly crapped @ Wednesday, June 09, 2004
It's the 2nd week of my job. Yupz! today my sales very good, but dun think can be like this everyday lar. All these are from last week one. Sigh~ well~ perhaps money is not everything. Money is not wat i'm looking for in life. I want LOVE. I want to love n to be love. Sigh~. is it possible to love someone n yet liking another? Hmm, have i really letting it go or am i just avoiding it? Have i really start fallen for someone or i just need someone to love me and getting a subsitute? Well~ of cas i hope that i have really let him go n really getting ready for the next relationship. Come to think of it, somehow there is a phobia. I'm afraid that wat if this guy who said he loves me and willing to spent the life with me, take of me n blah blah blah, just left me the next moment becas he realise he doesn't love me anymore n start falling for the next gal?
I'm afraid to fall in love again, but i wan someone to love me, someone to dote on me. Sigh~ despo? maybe...
yourstruly crapped @ Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Finally i got my blog done! And so i can start posting.
I've went thru' many ups n downs this sem. Just praying for the better for the next sem. Sigh~ for those who are close to me, had seen me break down again n again. Perhaps u guys are sick of this sight. I, myself is sick of this life too. I wan a new life! I wan to start a new chapter of my life. Perhaps, i have not really put everything behind, just avoiding it and does not have to courage to face it. The fact that he had left me really affect me alot ... alot. I noe i shld nt had let this affect me, but i just let it control my life. I have yet found back myself - the Huixin who is confident, with distinct goals in life, cheerful, bubbly .. etc. Where is the positive me? Why am i allowing myself to suffer this way when this guy is enjoying his life (with another gal?)? Can man be trusted? This is my very doubts about man now. He used to love me so, take care of me, saying he will cherish me and so. But things just changed! The ans to it is feelings. He said he has no more feelings for me. Does feelings ever change if you really love someone? Sigh~ i guess so ba!
Well enuff of him. All these are history. I hope i will get over this chapter fast, and start a new one soon. Friends ( Anne, Yun, Joann, Aileng, Vic, Anges, Lau gong, Jolene, Small Jon, Sultan, Gina, Geri, Rasidah, Marie, Damien, Mama Rina, Kevin .. etc) thankx for being there for me, cheering me up, helping me to get along with life, giving me support during those depression times. Sorrie for letting u guys down when i break down again n again. I promise i will pick myself up - but i need time. Remember to visit my blog more often ok, remember to leave ur comments in the tag box k. Love u guys always.
yourstruly crapped @ Monday, June 07, 2004
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