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Bad sales .... bad sales .... seriously really moodie these days. Sigh~ ben n kath is resigning, n now grace also wanna resign!!! damn it! I hate this feeling of loosing someone again. She came online with her msn nick n her blog add. Well~ perhaps she did it on purpose so that she can show me n tell me indirectly how happy she n her bk bunny is! Well~ watever pregnant thingy is nt wat u think as of a prank or trying to win him back k. Dun assume things like wat u say k. This pregnant joke is btw myself n my classmates. All arise becas of my check-up at KK womens' hospital due to some wat ever cancer shit illness which i will get in dunno how many yrs down the road - n i dunch wanna tok abt this anymore, as long as i dunch get the cramp every mth will do. Wat ever cancer shit i will get ... it will be in the future n i shan't tok abt it!!! Yah yah, as if i wan to cry? LOL, remember wat u've told me, telling me nt to worrie, saying u won't let urself into this r/s too much, n say that u will survive w/o him n so on???? Haha naive thinking k. Love is nv as easy as u think. Had read ur blog n hear ur thoughts, well i used to think wat u are thinking now n wat u are going thru now. N i still have the same thoughts n feelings, it nv changed, the feelings for him is just too strong. Wat u have heard, or rather wat we had heard are rumours abt him -whether it's true ant, i also dunch wanna noe. I love him for who he is n nt for his past. Pple ask me why am i nt questioning his past n so on? I've told them, those are his past, whether it happened ant it doesn't matter to me, for who i love is him n nt his past. Say wat u wanna say, say i'm trying to earn pity from pple n so on, by whinning so much ... etc. If u are my position, u will do the same too k. U may nt agree with me now, but when it comes to u, then u will noe how it feels k. Well~ when he is 30, n u 29?? Saying I do? Well~ he used to ask me b4 too. I asked him b4 will our r/s act. last? As in for such a long time till the day we get married? N his ans was, "why u dun trust me? no confidence in me?" sigh~ see??? Come on, gal, this is just the honey moon stages u care going true. Perhaps, u are luckier than me - becas he loves u more than he loves me ba.

Last nite on the cab home with kath, she told me her ex was actually engaged. Sigh~ i really feel sad for her, becas this guy just broke up wtih her like 1 1/2 mth ago, n now he is act. engaged. Sigh~ the story of kath had act. turns out that she was innocently a 3rd party in her ex r/s. Wat a jerk!!! Sigh~ n i told her, even if he come back to me, i will still accept him. N she told me the same, even if her ex's ROM is called off n return to her, she will still accept him. She even said to him that, she dun mind to have a 3rd party in their r/s, somehow it's so ironic. Then, we went on saying, it wld be so nice if after work, ur bf is down there to pick u up. No matter how stressful this job is, everyday OT i also dun mind, becas i noe i will be able to end the day with a smile, to see him there for me, cheering me.

Anyway, this morning on the buz, i saw this gal who i gt attracted to. Haha, yah it's a gal. Well~ a butch??? haha dunch really look like leh. A punk??? nt so too. Well~ she just look handsome, n haha her chest is rather flat. ok ok, she caught me keep looking at her... n she return the look too. Opps~ maybe will be able to get to see her again tmr morning. Sigh~ but i dun think i wanna be a les. hai~ mixture of feelings lar.

Hey, to clarify, i nv say u sleep with him k. Wat cheapo are u toking abt. I only ask as in share the bed. Wat's wrong with that, by sharing bed? Sigh~ Say i assume things. tok abt urself k. u have him to side u, so wat. Just take it that u are collecting some rubbish i've thrown lor. Someone who i had already used b4. although it's still recycleable. blah. Oki, i'm just being mean, well i dunch mean too, this is wat pple ask me to think so that i can feel better. But it doesn't help much either. Becas in my eyes, u are nothing! It is him who i care abt kaez.

Tmr D n D at moonfish by kelly services, hmmm wonder wat's the event abt? Looks like my colleagues all wanna ciao early, think i follow them lar, then go take my medical report for my diving. Just pray that i will pass the heart pressure test. If not i really cannot go diving. Sigh~

It's so unfair!!! Why must i go thru all these sickness??? Wat have i done wrong? Why am i born with this illness? Why? why? why? Why shld my loved ones leave me? Why did he change? Why he promise to take care of me? Why he say he will marry me? Why he say he will love me forever? Why am i being such a fool to believe in all these? Perhaps, being ill is good, then i can leave this world asap, n leave these memories behind.


yourstruly crapped @ Wednesday, July 14, 2004