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My 2 days course for Personal Effectiveness had finally end. Well~ it's really a Great course! The trainer really reads alot n i believe i learnt quite alot from him. He really can read one's character n personality just starring into our eyes. He was so rite abt me. Hur hur hur ... N as usual we did our self test, n guess wat i think i have changed quite alot compared to last time. I used to like taking leadership roles leading the pple, n i value responsibilities greatly, but like wat Zai had said, i am someone who dislikes given responsibilities. And i think he is really rite. Loving responsibilties was my past, n i kept asking why am i becoming so slack now, So i finally noe the ans, I dun like to be reponsible anymore! I m who i am now, the times had changed n i am not who i used to be. But i believe slowly i will gain back the "responsible me" ha ha ha ... rite now back to Maslow Hirechy of Need's i m still in search of my social needs ... ke ke ke

He said, there is nothing impossible - I M Possible... n he reminded me of that. Suddenly, i feel my esteem is coming back to me. I feel that i am regaining my "power". I will be GREAT n i knew it. He also said that if u think it is not possible then it will nv be possible, but if u think it is possible n u can do it, u CAN do it. N there's nothing as "i will try" but only "i can" or "i cannot" .. so which one?

Hmmm, gonna thankx Zai for teaching me all these again. I think i will start reading up those books which he recommended..

After chatting with Lynette on thurs nite, i finally find some encouragement to ask him out. But again i still not sure abt tht. But during Zai class, after he said "I M Possible" .. ha ha that build up my courage within n decided to sms him. N guess wat??? He agree!!!

Gosh~ this is exciting huh. The clock goes tick tick tick, n my heart beat races .. Suddenly, i feel like drawing back. I wanted to cancel the date. Arghh, but i keep thinking of watever Zai had said, so i decided, since i've already taken the 1st move why wanted to draw back. N i cont'd to step forward each time n slowly i will reach my destination.

Finally i got to meet him at ard 7pm, yeah he's late for an hr. Gosh~ but i'm cool abt it. Haha~ not angry at all, kinda unlike me. Anyway, we ate at Cartel after walking ard Marina Square for quite some time. Haha n i met Elvis there. Yah ... so we share our food. He got no appetite to eat, hmm bothering by his sch stuff. He ordered Softshell crab, prawn n fries set, while me ordered Ice cream waffle n Oreo Cheese cake. .. yum yum .. ke ke .. but i can't eat much, my gastric is acting up again, just force the food down lar.

After eating, we went down to explanade to chill up. Sat by the side ... facing the sea (or rather river). Enjoying to the breese blowing into my face. But i dare not to tok ... i just wan to enjoy this moment with him - having him by my side.

Sheeesh, i've planned for so much to say. But my mind is blank, i dunno wat to tok abt. Haha so just started some small tok ... the water - high tide low tide .. the boats the sky (no stars ... gonna rain) .. pple carrying lanterns .. haha

Suddenly he asked, " why? anything wrong? u look moody.." Opps, sucks i gave myself away. Arghh~ so i just kept quiet. hmmm silence for a moment. N i cont'd my deep blue see toks .. duh

Then we talk abt senior for a while ... n stop .. i cont'd facing the river looking at the by passing boats. He asked, " u got something to tell me?" ... *silence* i dunno how to speak for a sudden. I dunno how to start. But i noe he knew though Senior nv say anything. I know he noes wat i'm thinking. I just know ...

He held my fingers n i hold on his tightly .. i dun want to let go of them again ... slowly i ly down on him.. n *smile* he hug me from behind. Yesh .. this is the feeling i long for.. i want to stay there, the time will u ever stop for me? Sigh~ he ask me again wat i wanted to tell him .. i just can't get the words out properly. I turned n hug him ... he smells nice .. i always love his perfume but nv did i tell him.

Slowly i get the words out " I miss u ..."

He start toking, he told me things had changed, many things had changed. From the time i walk out, then the major blow in his life .. his granny had left him. Yesh i totally understand how it felt when ur dearest person had left u. It reminds me of my nanny .. i miss her .. she left me when i was 13 .. though i was still young but her departure is still fresh in my head ... so i just lie on him n listen to him toking ...

He ask me to give him .. 2 mths .. he need to sort things out .. finally i manage to clear the air .. looking at his schedule .. i understand how bz he is .. n i dun wanted to push him either .. he is unsure of his feelings now .. his dearest granny left him n his perception of life had changed ... i can see .. he is not as crappy as wat he used to be .. he is more serious in everything now ( not saying that he was not seiours last time) just that he is much more serious ..

Yah .. 2 mths .. he wanted me to promise him that i will be strong if the outcome is negative .. this worry me even more .. i wanted to stay put on where we are now .. i dun want to move on .. i dun dare to face the ans ..

But time is cruel to us ... it's chasing us home .. He needs to get home early to finish up his proposal which went wrong at the last min .. seesh .. we got on to the bus .. n i think i m really tired...

So he walk me to the traffic light, n before i crossed the road, he said he will send me a sms of his life diary each day, it really brighten me up, i feel much better now. =) ke ke ... so before i crossed .. he kissed me twice .. yuppie!

I really hope everything will turn out well for him .. 7 examinable units .. wat's mine compared to his? coping with his sponosorship planning with the unions? ... I will be strong i promise ..

N i will awaits for ur daily smses ...

Thankx for accompanying me for the nite .. i miss u ... i promise this time is not an impulse .. i've thought thru it long before finding the courage to blog my feelings abt u ... before i manage to sms u ... before i maange to meet u again .. all these i have gave thorough tots n sleepless nite ...

Really ... i love ur kisses ... the feelings u gave me ... i nv felt so real in my life ... i will remember ur kisses .. i will remember wat u had said ..

Today is the 1st day of the 2 mths ... i have app. 59 more days to go ... i will wait ...

yourstruly crapped @ Sunday, September 11, 2005