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Too swiff so quickly ... sigh~ 2 yrs have pass.


I thought i had erased everything in my mind. I thought so ... But again i have this fear in me. 27.03.2004 .. that's the end of our story.


I was chatting with lao pa last nite. Telling him the fear i have in me whenever i see him in bad mood or angry. Yesh~ i dunno why, but i'm afraid. Thought all these fears had gone. Had disappear in the thin air. But .. ... that day at bugis, seeing his tensed up expression on his face, make me grasp the air. I got chocked by the air. Yah~ the familiar expression ... sigh~ i fear of.


2 years seems to past quickly. I wish i could stand up on my feet again. Somehow, i m still in search of love, i guess. Avoiding guys who have interest in me, that's what i've been doing. I dunno wat i'm thinking abt. Is it the phobia of love in me causing me to be like this. Being defencive of myself? Sigh~ i really wish to know the ans now!!! I dun wanna carry on like this forever, hiding forever! Please God, tell me wat is the next step??? ...


Dragonfruit, is someone i like now? sigh~ search me. I'm not to sure. Perhaps he do have some reseamblance of starfruit? Not actually though.


The reason for not facing my true feelings, is becas i noe i will loose one friend. That's not i want. Becas i regret. I regret even after the break up, i chose to avoid him. I m as stubborn as i was in the relationship. I rejected his offer taking a photo with him during our farewell party. I'm such a ... arghhh~ i wanna scream out loud! I wanna ... i wish i could be at the seaside now! Screaming out loud. perhaps i will feel better? I hope so... think i will go mad one of these days if the lock to my heart has not find the right key to it.


The ulitmate goal in life is ---- death, isn't it? So why are we trying to so hard to live, i wonder? I wish i could vanish now... i wish i could i vanish ...

yourstruly crapped @ Monday, March 27, 2006